Thinking The Rapture Has Happened When You’re Alone

Posted: September 18, 2010 in Humor, My Faith

I remember as a kid growing up and talking about this with my sisters and my friends. Like walking into your house and not sure where everyone is, only later to find out they are outside playing croquet or something. There is still that moment where your heart skips a beat and you start looking for random clothes to be laying on the ground somewhere because just maybe…you missed it.

A couple of times a week I go to Jon Acuff’s blog here and read some hilarious posts on Stuff Christians like. I could literally repost almost all his articles everyday because they are that funny, but it’s easier for you to click a link. Every once in a while he will include a guest post from someone and many times, they are hilarious as well. Yesterday was that day. Jon posted an article from Curtis Honeycutt’s blog here. I decided to repost part of it here as well. Enjoy.

Thinking the Rapture Has Happened When You’re Alone

”The Son has come and you’ve been left behind.”

-DC Talk

As I sit here writing this in my office on a Monday morning, I’m kind of wondering is this has actually happened. Fact: Monday mornings at a church can be a lonely place. It’s like when an NFL team wins on Sunday. They get Monday off. The only difference is, the admin staff at the football office isn’t sitting around wondering, “Hey, I wonder if everyone else got sucked up into heaven, leaving their clothes in a pile?” The chances of the football team’s admin staff being left behind because T.O. isn’t there? Pretty slim. The chances of the church’s admin staff being left behind because the pastor and worship leader aren’t there? Moderately likely.

Here are a few scenarios like the one I’m currently in, shaking in my Tom’s shoes, and the likelihood that the rapture has happened:

Jogging on a Sunday Morning

You’re wearing your t-shirt that says “I went to church on Saturday night”, and so you think you’re covered. But, as you jog around your neighborhood, the early morning fog is very post-rapture like. The only person you see on your street is the lady who has a garage sale every other week. Chances you missed the rapture? 11%

Hanging Out at Hobby Lobby

Here’s the sitch (short for situation… a shout out to Kim Possible and I didn’t want to say situation because it makes you think of an set of orange six pack abs, (Jersey Shore reference)): You’re in the scrapbooking aisle at Hobby Lobby, or, as I call it, the Hob Lob. Mellow hymns are subtly piping through the speakers. You look around, noticing there isn’t a soul within a mile of the seasonal décor. Has the trump resounded? Should you be worried? Absolutely. There’s an 83% chance that you’ve been left behind.

At the Narnia: Dawn Treader Premiere

If you find yourself dressed up as Aslan, camped out for the premiere of the new Chronicles of Narnia movie, Dawn Treader, and no one else sets up their tent next to yours, has the rapture happened? Has your dawn been treaded on? Probably not. You’re that guy in the lion costume in a tent, however, Christians do love them some Narnia, so there’s still a 27% chance that all Christians in the world are hovering in the air with Jesus.

At Chick-Fil-A (On a Sunday)

After church, you’ve got a mean hankering for a chicken sandwich with a pickle. Yeah. Chick-Fil-A is probably the best place to eat waffle fries in the whole world. You get there and there aren’t any cars in the parking lot. The lights are off. But, you’ve neglected the well-known fact that Chick-Fil-A is closed on Sundays, and, because of that, that is exactly when you want it the very most. The guy in the cow suit deserves a day off to be with his calves. Have the clouds been rolled back like a scroll? Probably not, but you didn’t remember the Sunday closed thing, so… 33% chance. You should know better.

So what about you? Have you ever wondered if the rapture has happened?

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Comments
  1. julie ryan says:

    This is really funny. Especially the Hobby Lobby part.

  2. Amy says:

    Ha! This made me laugh! HAHA!

  3. Curtis Honeycutt says:

    Thanks for re-posting, Dave. I’m glad you can identify with this and laugh at it!

  4. Heather says:

    So seriously. I read just the headline for this and I absolutely laughed out loud in my office. Because I used to do this ALL THE TIME when I was a kid/pre-teen.

    It’s not happened in a while, but now that you’ve got me thinking about it again, it probably will. 🙂

  5. Ellen Moore says:

    This feeling has come over me several times and it is scary! Nice to read a Christian joshing about other Christians. We do have fun, we laugh, we laugh until we cry sometimes. Thanks for starting my day off with a big smile.

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